Monday, November 16, 2009

Poop Stories: you know you love 'em.

If you're a parent, I know you have poop stories of your own. But let's face it, parent or not, we all deal with poop, and we all have stories. We just keep them to ourselves.

Ah. But today is your lucky day.

Due to Bridgette's Hirschsprung Disease, we deal with a lot of poop. Without a colon or a full-length ileum, foods pass through our baby at rapid pace.

Rapids. That's good imagery. Just think of rapids.

We change diapers all day long like most parents, with one difference being that every single diaper is poopy, some massively so and some passively so.

We have to change her outfit an average of four times a day due to blow-outs.

Often we have to clean the furniture, carpet, and ourselves due to blow-outs. It's just part of daily life. It's what we do.

Mid-last-week, Bri had a whopper of a bloody bum rash, and I knew she needed air time. Following her bath, I left her to dry on a towel in the living room.

The next part is not hard to imagine and certainly you're expecting it. In my graduate cohort, it is what we came to call "explosive diarrhea." (Listen to Diarrhea Radio Spot)

Bridgette evacuated, rapidly. The first poop shot across the room, hit the fireplace and splattered across her toys. I was able to pull her towel up like a wall before the second (and more voluminous) evacuation.

Oddly enough, that is not why I'm writing this story. I don't consider that too gross.

On the contrary, reflecting this season of gratitude, I thought it was kind of cool.

What amazing bodies we have! How beautiful to eat, have nutrition removed from our foodstuffs and transported to our hungry cells, then expel the unnecessary matter preventing toxic build-up! Wow. Better out than in, I always say.

So what could possibly be more gross, you ask?

When the episode was over, I was left with a poopy baby, a poopy house, and a very poopy towel. Since I have two dogs quite interested in poop, I needed to take care of all three in nimble time.

Enter my fabulous brain, "The tub is still full! I'll throw the towel in there to soak while I change Bridgette then clean the house."

If we had been using cloth diapers this whole time, I'm sure I'd have known better. Alas, as soon as the towel soaked up the bathwater and sunk to the bottom of the tub, poop floated off the towel and dissipated into what was fast becoming murky brownish water.

So here's what I consider gross: reaching into that tub to retrieve the towel. The fact that I waited until the next morning to do it, really didn't improve matters.

By the time I got around to cleaning out the tub (placing the towel in a plastic bag to prevent poopy drippage), the whole tub and all of Bridgette's thirty bath toys were covered in a truly slimy layer of...

... well, you're getting the idea.

After a treatment of scalding hot water, too much bleach, and lots of scrubbing, I felt safe putting Bri back in the bathtub. (Though my hands haven't been the same since.)

And wouldn't you know it? The first thing she does is take a drink of bathwater out of her previously slimy toy fish. The cycle is complete.


Mary Liechty said...

We all just laughed and laughed at this post. After changing Justin four times yesterday (from blowouts), I'm feeling your pain. I can just imagine poop shooting across the room and all over the fire place. And your description of the slimy poop after leaving it in the tub all night....Ewwww! Got to love it. You're quite the writer. When is your book coming out!


Chad said...

Great poop story! Love it.

Joy said...

AH yes the poop stories...they are good for generations.

April said...

That made me laugh SO HARD! With all of Caleb's antibiotics we're swimming in poop over here too! You have to laugh because it has a LIFE OF IT'S OWN!! It's fun to have a fellow poop adventurer!

HeatherH said...

Very entertaining! Love that you can laugh about it!

Angela said...

awesome, we've never experienced that but what a story. I hate cleaning the tub after Bells poops. We put her in a swim diaper so we dont' have to clean it everytime. She's getting better though. Charles evacuates quickly when he sees or hears the word poop. It's pretty funny.
you sure do have an interesting life these days. Better than a bag, i must say though. Well maybe not on days like those...

Jacqueline Miller said...

Oh I so hear ya! Curly has a bad case of stomach flu - and with his Hirschsprung, there's so much poop, and such a red little bum! Actually, I think the red bum and little welts are worse than dealing with the poop.

theJerm said...

Yes, more poop stories please.

Liz said...

Aah, Kelly... gotta love the poop stories!! I use cloth diapers for my boys and have loads of yucky stories- but that story beats most of mine! I love your blog- so fun to catch up once in a while!

Chelsea said...

Hey, let's have a play date. And I can give you those darn bells that have been sitting in my closet for months. A little (or a lot of ) poop never scared me. It all washes out anyway.