Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Clever girl.

So, you know that scene in Jurassic Park when Robert Muldoon, played by Bob Peck, hunts a female velociraptor only to realize that while she's kept him distracted, leading him casually through the trees, a second female velociraptor has been hunting him, sneaking up on his other side. And moments before she pounces and he's torn to shreds in an act of ancient-cooperation, he says, "Clever girl," giving a vocal high-five to natural selection and the intelligent yet carnivorous creatures that have earned his respect?

Gosh I love that part.


Anyway, I have my own clever girl.

She does pounce. She does eat meat. She has yet to destroy me.

But then, that's why we haven't had another child.

Can't risk being surrounded.



With Bridgette's ever blossoming ability to speak, I've spent the last two weeks writing down some of our more amusing conversations. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I (for the most part) enjoyed having them:


ON HIDDEN THINGS:

Me: Where did you put the Christmas countdown ring? The one you took off the tree.
B: Maybe in the M&Ms?
Me: No. You didn’t put it in the M&Ms. Where did you really put it?
B: Maybe… in your belly button? 
(Me giving her a look.)
B: In Chewy’s belly button?


ON ANIMAL NATURE:

(during a car ride with the dogs)
B: Why does Chewy sniffing, sniffing?
Me: I don’t know. I guess he likes to smell things.
B: Ohhhh! Liiiiiike . . . bears. And cheese. 
(Pause)
B: Bears, wears, sares. That rhymes!


(Bridgette's new super-hero cape, hand-made by her preschool teachers as a Christmas gift!)


ON HUMAN NEED:

Me: What would you like for dinner Bridgette?
B: Hmm. I thiiiink… cheese sticks and whipped cream. That’s all I need, Mom.


ON AWESOME DREAMS:

B: I had a dream too! Big circle, big circle, full of popcorn and candy canes, and then I *jump* in it and *eat it all!*


ON COMPETITION:

B: Mommy, I win.
Me: Good job, Bridgette.
B: And you win.
Me: Oh thank you, Bridgette.
B: And Chewy wins and Piper wins and Daddy wins, and the WHOLE EARF WINS!

(Consider yourself winners, cyber-friends.)





ON DEEP QUESTIONS:

B: One potty. Two potties. The world is full of potties. Why?


ON THE BEST JOKES EVER:

B: Knock Knock
Me: Who’s there?
B: Ummm… paintbrush.
Me: Paintbrush who?
B: (Laughing) Ah-hahahahaha! You said it!
(Pause)
B: Now it’s your turn.


ON STAR TREK:

Me: (talking to Jeff on the phone) I think we should eat pizza and watch Star Trek tonight.
B: (overhearing) I like Star Trek! Mom, bad guys.
Me: Yeah there are bad guys.
B: But the good guys kill the bad guys!
(Gets out pretend phaser)
B: Phis! Phis! Phis! Phis!




ON DESCRIBING WEATHER:

Me: That’s a stiff wind!
B: Wow! Yeah, that wind is really steep!


ON THE ART OF STORYTELLING:


B: I’m building a house with the paper.
Me: Nice. I like it.
B: And then the people were walking and then the alligators. And then the alligators and the people.
Me: That’s a good story.
B: Mom. It’s a great story.


ON GENERAL UNDERSTANDING:

B: Look! 
(holding up my Christmas stocking and saying each letter) 
B: K-E-L-L-Y
Me: That’s right, Bridgette. Good job. Do you know what that spells?
B: Yeah! MOM!



ON PARENTING:

(during a car ride)
B: (says something cute; I can't remember what)
Jeff: Bridgette, you are very special.
Me: And we love you very much.
B: Mom, everyone’s special. Even moms and dads.


ON THE UNEXPECTED CONVERSATION:

Me: Bridgette, do you know what a gun is?
B: No. 
Me: Are you sure? Do you know what a gun looks like?
B: Yes. Good guys shoot bad guys.
Me: Yes. Sometimes. But sometimes bad guys shoot good guys.
B: Oh no!
Me: I know. And yesterday there was a bad man who shot some people.
B: Oh no! (eyebrows furrowed) They die?
Me: Yes. He was a very bad man. He shot 20 children.
B: Oh no! I so sad.
Me: Me too. It makes me cry.
B: Me too. Mom, why bad man shoot children?
Me: I don’t know. He shouldn’t have done that.
B: Nooooo.
Me: I want to tell you what to do if anyone tries to shoot you, okay? This is important.
B: Okay, Mom.
Me: What do you think you should do if a man has a gun and you feel scared?
(B swings her fists and gnashes her teeth.)
Me: Yes, if someone tries to steal you, that’s what you should do. And scream. But if a man has a gun, I want you to run away as fast as you can and hide and be very quiet.
B: Why run, Mom?
Me: Bullets are very fast. You need to get away as fast as you can and hide in a closet or something like that and close the door and be very quiet. Do you understand?
B: Yes, Mom.

And I believe she did.

1 comment:

Lore said...

Some of those conversations made me smile, some made me laugh, but the last one made me sad. What a terrible thing to HAVE to teach a child. Love you and love her.