Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Turkeys Eat Deer

She strikes without warning, right to the heart. Or the funny bone... wherever that is. (Definitely not your elbow.)

Sometimes she strikes on purpose or sometimes because she's little and things don't come out in a grown-up way. Or because she's ridiculous and random. 

Or sometimes she can be more stinkin' insightful than all get out.

Whatever the reason, please enjoy another round of Bridgette-isms, bespeckled with photos and video. On the house.
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Bridgette, drawing on our giant whiteboard: 

B: This is a mermaid, Daddy, and you swimming wif her in the ocean. And here's mommy swimming, too! With biiiiiiig eyes. And a nose-cone! 
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A Strawberry
Whiteboard drawing by Miss Bridgette, October 2013
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Sara C: What are you going to be for Halloween, Bridgette?
B:  A witch! Like my mom!
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Bridgette dresses herself for the first time, head to toe.
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Me: Bridgette do you see that man on the corner? He has a sign that says he has no home, and he would like for us to give him some money. What do you think? Should we? 
B: No! 
Me: Why not?
B: Because I need my money! To go to college! 
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Bridgette helps to rescue two baby quail.
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Bridgette used to hate all water. When lessons first started she wouldn't put her head under, and she screamed for me in sheer panic when she had to float on her back. A few weeks later, her world had changed! I'm so excited to have another swimmer in the family.

In this Muppet-endorsed compilation, we start with Bridgette's first and much-anticipated jump into the "deep end!"

She was supposed to wait patiently for another turn, but her companion in class had a break-down, so The Mighty Bridgenator decided she didn't really need help anyway. I missed filming her first solo jump because I wasn't expecting it. At all.



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B: Can I have daddy's water bottle?
Me: No, I'll go downstairs and get you yours. Actually come down with me. You need your meds.
(Bridgette comes down, carrying daddy's water bottle.)
Me: What're you doing, kid? I told you NO! Why do you have dad's water bottle? 
B: Because.... because, I was coming and my brain said, (in a high squeaky voice) "Take daddy's water bottle!"
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Bridgette channels Groucho Marx.
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I was typing a text while talking aloud.

Me: "Aren't you doing the St. George..." 
(I was planning to write "Century" when Bridgette interrupted.)
B: Washington.
Me: What?
B: St. George Washington.
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Bridgette's reaction to a headless snake.
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As we pull out of the grocery store parking lot, our car makes a funny sound.

B: What’s that sound?
Me (shaking my head): I don’t know.
B: But, Mo-O-om, what’s that SOUND?
Me: I wish I knew. I don’t.
B: Just tell me! What’s that sound???
Me: I don’t know! When I say I don’t know, I mean it! I don’t know!
B: I wasn’t talking to you.
Me: Oh, really?
B: Nope. I’m, um… talking on the phone. To someone ELSE.
Me: Okay, what do they say about the sound?
(Bridgette, now deep in a conversation with someone else on the “phone.")
B: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Noooo… it’s not the exhaust pipe. Mm-hmm. Okay. 
(Hanging up the "phone.")
B: Mom, they say there’s poop on the tires.
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Me: Bridgette I'm suddenly very tired.
B: Yayyy!!! Can I watch Mythbusters while you nap?
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At the start of the Electric Run 5K
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Bridgette, hopping from one bit of shade to the next:

B: Mommy, *I'm* a shadow fairy and *you're* a sun fairy.

(Truer words were never spoken.)
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Family outing at Sundance, late September 2013

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After getting scared, Bridgette was crawling into bed with me around 3AM when I remembered to tell her that our much anticipated mommy/daughter trip to Yellowstone might not happen.

B: Why? 
Me: Because...
(Okay how do I explain this?)
Me: Because there are some people in a far away place called Washington DC, and they're arguing. And until they stop arguing, we can't go see the thousand year-old natural geysers that are closer to us than to them.
Bridgette, slapping her forehead:
B: WHAT!?!?

(Out of the mouths/reactions of babes...)
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Johnson Family reunion, July 2013
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B: Feel my buff?
Me: What?
B: Hhhhaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Me: Ugh! No! Don't breathe on me!
B: But it's gum bref!
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It may not be intricate, but this pumpkin took teamwork.

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Bridgette, talking about zombies:

B: Mom, eat daddy’s brain. Dad, eat mommy’s brain.
Me: He can’t, I have a metal skull.
B: Yeah, he can’t eat mine either. I have a rainbow skull. With lightning!
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October 2013, Midway Memorial
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Bridgette has only ever slept with two specific blankies. For 5 years. I had to convince her to wash them by explaining how happy they’d be to be clean and that when you love something/someone, it’s important to love them enough to let them do the things that make THEM happy.

After a couple of long, long hours, she was finally able to get them out of the dryer.

B: Oh, Mom, they’re so WARM and soft.
Me: Yeah, and they smell good, too.
B: Yeah! Like a ham and cheese sandwich.
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A brief retrospective.



  
The last time she fell asleep on me, August 2013.
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We were both dancing and singing to Brave in the car.

Me: I like Sara Bareilles. She's a pretty cool chick.
B: Yeah. She's a good walk.
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At Cornbelly's last week. 

Bridgette wore her Supergirl dress to the park then dressed up in a princess gown at one of the fun-stations. When I asked her to "pose like a princess" this is what I got, versus her actions and attitudes as Supergirl. I found it interesting. I'm sure there's room for both in this world, but Supergirl looks happier and more confident to me.

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NOTE: I am not pregnant, nor do I want to be right now, nor do I know if I will ever be again.

B: Mom, pretty soon you be big, like THIS! 
(Pushing out her tummy and clasping her arms in a wide circle.)
Me: Oh, really?
B: Yep. With a baby inside. The baby in your uterus, and you get bigger and bigger and bigger. And then the baby born. The baby come out your vagina. LIKE A GENIE!
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Playing basketball on a bungee tether.
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Me: Ugh. Politics.
(Bridgette, trying to understand.)
B: Mommy, what's...? What's...? What's "pockets?"
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What happens when Bridgette wants to take a picture of you.

What happens when she finds your camera --
49 consecutive photos, each one exactly like this one.
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I was participating in a local radio net, and some hams were giving their call-signs then saying, "No traffic."

Me: I wonder what "no traffic" means?
B: It means the men working there, on the road, and when they're done we can drive again.
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Catching the first snow of the year, September 2013.
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B: This is my polar bear, Rainbow Sparkle, and no one can touch him but me or he'll lose his magical powers. 
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Riding in the car with Rainbow Sparkles the magical polar bear.
DON'T TOUCH HIM!
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Comes home from the daycare at the gym with a sticker on her hand that says, “Out of this world!”

B: Mom, this is our Earth. Space is on top, and the lava is underneath.
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Bridgette's favorite show by *far* is MythBusters.
She's constantly quoting it, recognizing the daily science around her.
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Me: Bridgette, in my family we had a family tradition of drinking hot apple cider and eating homemade donut holes on Halloween. We’d dip them in powdered sugar or cinnamon sugar. It’s yummy! Would you like to do that?
B: Yeah!
(A few minutes later.)
B: Mom, in my family, we used to eat fruit snacks covered with cheese. Would you like to do that?
(Me laughing.)
B: No. Really!
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Outside the SLC Clark Planetarium
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Tucking Bridgette in:

Me: Bridgette we make a good team.
B: Yeah, Mom, we do a good team.
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Bridgette stood watching as I used a tiny hand-pump to fill a humongous beach ball.

B: Strong-muscle it full, Mom. 
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With her favorite chalk art, 2013 Chalk the Block
I think that that My Little Pony is Pinkie Pie.
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Bridgette traipsing through water, referring to barefoot footprints.

B: See my bare prints? 
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We went to Thanksgiving Point in August and found out that my favorite Jersey cow, Millie, was about to be slaughtered because the discs in her back were preventing her from being able to stand up. 

That evening I was telling Jeff about it on the way home from the gym. He’s had bad back problems for several years now and has tried a number of interventions trying to avoid surgery. (So far plain old exercise has been the best therapy.)

Me: Can you imagine? If you’re a cow, you don’t get physical therapy or exercise or surgery. You have back problems? They kill you.
Jeff: Yeah, that’s pretty sad.
Me: Even at the petting zoo, if you’re a cow you don’t get special treatment. She’s been one of their best milk cows, and she just had a cute calf that was weaned this spring.
Jeff, in solidarity: I wonder where cows go when they die.
B, piping up from the backseat: In people’s mouths!
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Bridgette's own design.
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B: Can I watch TV, Mom?
Me: Hm. Maybe, I wanted to do some writing today.
B: You can write while I watch TV!
Me: You’re a thinker!
B: Yeah. Because I have a brain. And my brain says, “I want to watch TV!”
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What else are neighbors for if not Diet Pepsi and Mentos?
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B: Mommy. 
Mommy. 
Mommy, Chewy... 
Chewy is… 
Chewy is my best boy.
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Jumping from couch to couch:

B: Daddy, watch this! This is VERY danger.
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Bridgette's favorite Halloween house.
When she saw it, she exclaimed, "I want to live THERE!"
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Driving in the car.

B: What’s that mommy?
Me: Where? Oh, there. It’s a hot air balloon.
B: WHOA WOW WOW! I never seen that before. I never seen a … what was it again?
Me: Hot air balloon.
B: Yeah, I never seen a hot air balloon before IN THIS WORLD!
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Bridge with her cousins, Ellie & Sienna

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Just tonight, a few hours ago.

Me: Bridgette! I am SO MAD!
B: Mom. DON'T be mad.
Me: Don't tell ME not to be mad. I AM mad. I'm mad at YOU! AND I'm mad at Daddy!
(A few minutes later.)
B: Mom?
Me: What.
B: I love you. You can still come to my birthday party.
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Bridgette's birthday party last July.
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Getting a treat bag from school on the last day before Fall break, with a temporary tattoo inside.

B: Mom look what I got in my bag! A tattoon! Can I wear it please, Mom? Can I wear my tattoon?
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Bridgette's Kindergarten Class

Her first official school photo!
9AM-3PM Kindergarten, 5 days / week
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Me: Bridgette, when we named you, we thought about calling you Bri (Bree) as a nickname. Do you like that? Would you like to be called Bri?
(Indignant) 
B: NO! I like to be called Bridgette. ClaraLynn. Johnson.
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On our way home we saw an Autumn decoration on someone's doorstep, a giant pumpkin with big wooden “feathers” and a wooden turkey head attached.

B: Mom! Look at that turkey! It’s so fat because it eats a lot of deer. Yep. That’s why it’s so fat.
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Cows eat children.
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"I love being on this Earth. I so happy." 
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Bridgette singing, forgetting the words but making it up as she goes...
....because she really is this precious:


Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle twinkle little star
Twinkle twinkle little star
How I love you in your heart
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4 comments:

Lore said...

I love this post! I laughed out loud a few times, and smiled throughout. I am so glad she is "so happy!"

Ann-Marie said...

I LOVE that little girl! She is wise (and cute!) beyond her years!

Tammy and Alvin said...

Wow! So many things I want to comment on that I can't even keep them all in my head. That is one super impressive block pattern, Bridgette. ClaraLynn. Johnson. You are cute and funny! And if I were you, I wouldn't go close to that Halloween house. I think the witch from Hansel and Gretel must live there. (although in the story, she died in the oven, so maybe you're safe)

Erin said...

Good stuff right here! Yes, you definitely do a good team....